Bark is Better Than Bite

I am a freelance writer. This means that I sometimes get compensated for typing at the computer (exceptions include this nonsense). I do it at home. It's a nice gig.

However, my writer's haven was recently threatened by the relentless presence of a neighboring dog. Actually, each of my three surrounding neighbors has at least one dog that roams their respective yard. It's like a terrible sitcom waiting to happen. But this particular dog has a very precise habit: Whenever it is released outdoors, it barks. Incessantly. Nonstop. Almost as if it's carrying on a spirited one-sided debate.

I recently peered through the upstairs blinds to see this animal that was tempting fate. I discovered that it's a Chihuahua, a breed that is apparently prone to barking (thank you, Dad). I witnessed a bizarre scene that played out daily: A woman sitting on her patio, smoking a cigarette, talking on her cell phone, all while the dog literally barked in the vicinity for no apparent reason other than canine insanity. Just like a parent who has developed an ability to tune out their screaming brood while shopping at Target, this woman apparently was oblivious to her insistent pooch. (They also have a manual lawnmower, reason enough to place them under suspicion.)

After considering my passive-aggressive options, I decided on a covert operation. I would take a sleeping pill, wedge it into a doggy treat, and strategically toss it over the fence. As it turns out, my best option was not action, but threat of action. My friend was talking with his parents in the backyard, and explained my joke plan to them, all while unaware that the neighbor was outside. And then, just like a sitcom, actually: "C'mon, boy! Come here!" Problem solved.

So remember, the threat of force is usually incentive enough.

And no, I would not drug a dog.